Please Close The Door.

We all have moments that we can look back on and blush about. The kind of memories that make us both proud and embarrassed at the same time.

I had one such moment with James (My not-so-straight supervisor). Once again the night began at the crew bar, after a particularly early night we decided to head to the theatre office as he had work to do and I couldn’t be bothered to go to sleep. We spent the remainder of the evening showing each other photos and videos from the depths of our computers – I’d slowly progressed my way to sitting on the floor whilst he sat in the office chair.

After a good few hours of messing about James turned to look at me…

“Don’t laugh. I really want to have sex with you right now”

I was a bit shocked, I looked a state and we weren’t that drunk so his confession took me a bit by surprise (Although I had been thinking a similar thing) Then the flirt inside of me took over and in one smooth motion I took his hand and pulled him onto the floor on top of me.

“Then why don’t you?”

Sadly we didn’t actually have sex – because the encounter was so unexpected we didn’t have any protection, trust me I’m definitely more annoyed than you are about this!

However we did have great fun… we made out vigorously on the desks, chairs – against the cupboard with important pieces of paper falling everywhere was a definite highlight. We completely wrecked the room and it was one of the few times I’ve had an orgasm without actually having sex. His fingers did all of the work as I sat in the supervisor’s chair… needless to say It became a great source of amusement for the rest of his contract, along with the fact his successor had no idea what had happened in the room. Along with him finishing all over my sleeve.

By the end we both just looked at each other and laughed, completely exhausted. Deciding maybe it was time to go to bed we tidied the room and went to leave, we only made it as far as the back stage laundry room before getting distracted again…

The Language Barrier.

Peter (The one from Neverland) was one of the first people I met. He was on my team and had been put in charge of teaching me everything I needed to know – turns out that also included teaching me about ship romance.

We hit it off pretty quickly, he was funny and awkward – we spent a lot of time together so it naturally happened that we became more than work colleagues. The first night anything tangible started we’d been drinking at the bar (what a surprise!) and we’d walked home together, we stood outside his cabin and kissed. Then he went to bed and I went back to the bar…

From there we started mucking-about backstage, at the bar, in port – everywhere! He was sweet and very attractive. We even went stargazing on the ship’s helipad one night, where we did the classic “Jack and Rose” thing.

Peter was always very easy to please, however I’m someone who likes to talk during sex – if you knew me, you’d know I barely ever shut up so this wouldn’t be a surprise. What I didn’t expect was that the language barrier would become such a burden…

One day during sex (yes, we had DAYTIME SEX) I told him:

“I can’t wait to have more time, so I can tease you properly”

Which lead to a pause in the action whilst I tried to explain the word “tease”. I’m embarrassed to say this ended with him getting up a translation app on his phone, mid-sex, completely ruining the mood…

Call Security.

When I drink I have a tendency to flirt. When I don’t drink I have a tendency to flirt. No matter what state I am in, I have a tendency to flirt. It’s not always on purpose – in fact mostly I don’t realise what I’m doing until I walk away from a situation.

This particular story happened two days before I signed off the ship. It’s customary that the night before your final day you get rip-roaringly drunk and celebrate the end of your contract. On this particular night there was dancing and flirting and far too much alcohol.

Like all the best stories I was walking back to my cabin on my own – when down the hall I spotted one of my Indian security guard friends. Knowing full well I was intoxicated I decided instead of avoiding him I’d bounce up to him and say hello – I don’t remember much of the conversation, however I do remember kissing him. Leaning into his body and him biting my lip. Then I stole his name badge and ran away…

Forward:

The age-old question “what do I pack” seemed to be ever-present in my mind prior to joining my first cruise ship. I had read the blogs and forums, watched the YouTube channels and even emailed my soon-to-be manager for advice. The overall consensus was I would need clothes for all-weather, a hard drive full of movies, a flashlight and a decent laptop. What I didn’t ask, and was never told, was the things I would need to leave behind. Mainly my morals and my standards. 

If you do a quick google search you’ll find countless articles from trashy newspapers about cruise workers and the stigma that goes along with this. What you don’t expect, is that it’s almost truthful.

Having told close friends my stories of misadventure, the sordid details of late night rendezvous and the cringe-worthy anecdotes I have come to realise that yes, I do have some interesting stories to tell and with a little guidance from a friend here I sit about to spill all to the internet world.

So strap your sun loungers down, we’re in for a rocky sailing.