Please Close The Door.

We all have moments that we can look back on and blush about. The kind of memories that make us both proud and embarrassed at the same time.

I had one such moment with James (My not-so-straight supervisor). Once again the night began at the crew bar, after a particularly early night we decided to head to the theatre office as he had work to do and I couldn’t be bothered to go to sleep. We spent the remainder of the evening showing each other photos and videos from the depths of our computers – I’d slowly progressed my way to sitting on the floor whilst he sat in the office chair.

After a good few hours of messing about James turned to look at me…

“Don’t laugh. I really want to have sex with you right now”

I was a bit shocked, I looked a state and we weren’t that drunk so his confession took me a bit by surprise (Although I had been thinking a similar thing) Then the flirt inside of me took over and in one smooth motion I took his hand and pulled him onto the floor on top of me.

“Then why don’t you?”

Sadly we didn’t actually have sex – because the encounter was so unexpected we didn’t have any protection, trust me I’m definitely more annoyed than you are about this!

However we did have great fun… we made out vigorously on the desks, chairs – against the cupboard with important pieces of paper falling everywhere was a definite highlight. We completely wrecked the room and it was one of the few times I’ve had an orgasm without actually having sex. His fingers did all of the work as I sat in the supervisor’s chair… needless to say It became a great source of amusement for the rest of his contract, along with the fact his successor had no idea what had happened in the room. Along with him finishing all over my sleeve.

By the end we both just looked at each other and laughed, completely exhausted. Deciding maybe it was time to go to bed we tidied the room and went to leave, we only made it as far as the back stage laundry room before getting distracted again…

The Language Barrier.

Peter (The one from Neverland) was one of the first people I met. He was on my team and had been put in charge of teaching me everything I needed to know – turns out that also included teaching me about ship romance.

We hit it off pretty quickly, he was funny and awkward – we spent a lot of time together so it naturally happened that we became more than work colleagues. The first night anything tangible started we’d been drinking at the bar (what a surprise!) and we’d walked home together, we stood outside his cabin and kissed. Then he went to bed and I went back to the bar…

From there we started mucking-about backstage, at the bar, in port – everywhere! He was sweet and very attractive. We even went stargazing on the ship’s helipad one night, where we did the classic “Jack and Rose” thing.

Peter was always very easy to please, however I’m someone who likes to talk during sex – if you knew me, you’d know I barely ever shut up so this wouldn’t be a surprise. What I didn’t expect was that the language barrier would become such a burden…

One day during sex (yes, we had DAYTIME SEX) I told him:

“I can’t wait to have more time, so I can tease you properly”

Which lead to a pause in the action whilst I tried to explain the word “tease”. I’m embarrassed to say this ended with him getting up a translation app on his phone, mid-sex, completely ruining the mood…

Call Security.

When I drink I have a tendency to flirt. When I don’t drink I have a tendency to flirt. No matter what state I am in, I have a tendency to flirt. It’s not always on purpose – in fact mostly I don’t realise what I’m doing until I walk away from a situation.

This particular story happened two days before I signed off the ship. It’s customary that the night before your final day you get rip-roaringly drunk and celebrate the end of your contract. On this particular night there was dancing and flirting and far too much alcohol.

Like all the best stories I was walking back to my cabin on my own – when down the hall I spotted one of my Indian security guard friends. Knowing full well I was intoxicated I decided instead of avoiding him I’d bounce up to him and say hello – I don’t remember much of the conversation, however I do remember kissing him. Leaning into his body and him biting my lip. Then I stole his name badge and ran away…

The boy and the girl.

This next post isn’t a thing I’m particularly proud of in my life, but it does make for a good story apparently.

After a particularly messy “ship romance” with Peter (remember: the guy from the Netherlands) I was miserable and had one evening crying at the crew bar to one of my managers. From there I suddenly had an incredibly happy night out full of dancing and shots and pink wine. By the end of the evening I was on top of the world again and couldn’t care less about the boy from Neverland.

As I stumbled back to my cabin with James (who was technically my supervisor) he invited me into his cabin to watch some videos he had of a previous ships shows – once we had finished watching them we just sat and chatted about how I was finding working on a ship – then as I got up to leave he offered a proposition which made me laugh…

“If you ever get lonely and want some company, or a hug or just a kiss it doesn’t mean anything”

We then started to joke about how stupid that would be, for various reasons. The next thing I know he’s thrown his laptop to the end of the bed, said “oh fuck it” and we’re kissing. It was proper kissing, passionate fire-work inducing and completely wrong. I’ve never been kissed like that before and I hope beyond all manner of a doubt that I find someone who will kiss me like that again. It was completely perfect. Although there was just one teeny complicated hitch…

He was in a relationship. With another guy. Yes – the guy who gave me butterflies and fireworks was until that point unequivocally gay.

It’s ok though, because we didn’t have sex.

At least, not that night…

 

The Truth or Dare Effect.

Truth or Dare is a childish game. One that we play as teenagers when we’re too scared to ask each other for what we really want. As adults it becomes something more dangerous and tactile – on ships we regress back to slobbering teens who use it as an easy way to satisfy our needs.

On one particular night a large group gathered at the crew bar and drunkenly decided Truth or Dare was the solution to a boring, music-less “quiet night”. We began as we intended to go on – “Kiss Guy 1” was my first. Of course, ever one for love of attention and a reckless abandonment of all good sense I kissed guy 1.

From there I “flashed (your) boobs” and “Kissed Guy 2” along with the lap-dances, shots, asking kitchen staff to marry me and more. By the end of the evening I’d kissed at least 5 guys, whilst the boy I was rendezvous-ing with (James) was watching.

That’s not a very interesting story – but what happened afterwards was me sat at the table next to the new incredibly hot guy. We spent the rest of the evening flirting over dinosaurs and superheros and somehow we ended up back in my cabin – sans roommate.

It didn’t take long for him to push me up against our wardrobe and reach underneath my top.

“You realise your bra is incredibly insecure?” and with that I was half topless and very much keen on spending my evening tangled up with this boy. Honestly, he’s without a doubt the best looking guy I’ve ever come close to sleeping with – SPOILER – anyway I’m glad to say he did become one of my best friends as my roommate managed to come in at the exact moment I reached for his belt.

In the midst of blushes and awkwardness my roommate left quickly, we jumped away from each other and I was suddenly sober enough to realise there was no way this boy would not regret sleeping with me the next day. So I curled up in my bed sad and alone, until James called and I ended up sleeping with him, but more on that later…

Say Cheese:

We all have that one super-hot friend, who usually has a girlfriend.

So, you settle for having a flirtatious banter both knowing nothing will ever happen between you. I had such a friend aboard the ship, he was Welsh and an incredible weak at the knees kind of dreamy.

I’d known Luke for my entire contract and with less than a month left onboard our flirting/banter suddenly took a turn from the rare and occasional to the almost constant (trust me, I was not complaining!) however, nothing had ever happened and on fourth of July I assumed it would be like any other evening at the notorious All Crew Party.

After an evening of jello-shots, bad dancing, fireball and patriotism our friendship group gathered for an intoxicated photograph. As always I took my place at the front, the advantages of being short, when Luke stepped behind me piping up in his incredibly sexy Welsh accent…

“You’re in the danger zone there”

Obviously he meant his penis was centimetres from where I’d stood. So as everyone took their places I just laughed the comment off. Until he took my hand and placed it over his American onesie (yes, he was wearing a onesie, what’s your point?) onto his semi-hard penis.

Normally, had I not been intoxicated and had he not been one of the most beautiful human beings I’ve ever seen, I would have removed my hand and slapped his arm in a jokey but flirty “We’re just friends you dummy” kind of way. Only this time I decided to do the opposite, taking him by complete surprise I gave him a cheeky rub whilst smiling sweetly for the group photograph.

I’m not ashamed to say if you looked at the picture and paid enough attention you could certainly work out exactly what was going on, mainly from the incredibly smug look on his face, the large laugh on mine and the fact that no-one in their right mind would pose with their hand behind their back in such an awkward manner.

Forward:

The age-old question “what do I pack” seemed to be ever-present in my mind prior to joining my first cruise ship. I had read the blogs and forums, watched the YouTube channels and even emailed my soon-to-be manager for advice. The overall consensus was I would need clothes for all-weather, a hard drive full of movies, a flashlight and a decent laptop. What I didn’t ask, and was never told, was the things I would need to leave behind. Mainly my morals and my standards. 

If you do a quick google search you’ll find countless articles from trashy newspapers about cruise workers and the stigma that goes along with this. What you don’t expect, is that it’s almost truthful.

Having told close friends my stories of misadventure, the sordid details of late night rendezvous and the cringe-worthy anecdotes I have come to realise that yes, I do have some interesting stories to tell and with a little guidance from a friend here I sit about to spill all to the internet world.

So strap your sun loungers down, we’re in for a rocky sailing.